04 Dec What Not To Do At The Pouching
However, there are some activities that we cannot abide. Examples below.
These are all factual, emotionally truthful events. Names have been hidden to protect identities and preserve dignity.
1. Gone to a wedding out of spite.
2. Secretly planted a glee club among your wedding guests and had them suddenly spring up and perform mid-reception, like Mongolian daisies popping out of the snow.
3. Brought Fireball Whiskey in your purse, chugged one too many times and ended up ejecting the better contents of your stomach in the bathroom.
4. Seated your guest next to her ex-boyfriend and named their table “Fatal Attraction.”
5. Requested that your best man, who is clearly in love with you, give a speech about your union.
6. Called your dealer and had your stuff delivered to the reception room. Also, blazing in the bushes at Disneyland the next morning.
Honestly, we’d probably still like you if you did one or two of these things at the wedding (and we’d be downright impressed if you managed to get through all six). Just don’t show up in stained shorts and flip-flops, like you’re doing a 3am run from your fourth-floor walkup to get single-ply toilet paper from the 24-hour drugstore. That’s just offensive.
Joyce + Wayne
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